Reblog If you want Jason Segel to pick this short story (case) for The Muppets Talk show.
THE BACON GUY. I have this friend who is really into halloween. I thought I was really into halloween because I love to plan everything about costumes, and props, but this guy is like totally crazy about it. So this year he met a girl online who LOVED bacon. I thought I really loved bacon, but this girl is like totally crazy about it. She’s like bacon crazy: “bacon this”, “bacon that”, “bacon here”, “bacon everywhere”. It’s like she makes me hate bacon everytime I hear that word coming from her mouth. She is a bacon poser. Anyway, my halloween crazy friend was into this girl, and after a few weeks of chatting and facebooking and tumblring and tweetering, he decides to ask her out. You know, to finally meet each other in person. The thing is that this girl told him that she liked mystery. I though I liked mystery, but this girl is like “let’s not say our names”, “let’s not show our real faces”, “let’s just get more online adrenaline”. It’s like she’s nuts for mystery. She’s mysteriously nuts. A bacon poser and mysteriously nuts. So, one week remaining for halloween and my friend comes up with what he said was the best idea for a costume: he was gonna dress up as bacon. A fluffly 1,75 bacon strip that would “randomly” appear where this girl would go. That’s right, he was planning to stalk her. He had a map of all her forsquare’s check-in. He was doing a great job as a stalker. I thought I did a great job as a stalker, but this guy was like “I’m gonna stop by her favorite cookie store and wave at her”, “I’m gonna run into her at the park and give her a balloon”, “I’m gonna lend her a pen at the bank”. It’s like he had completely lost it you know, like who would ever let a big fluffly walking bacon strip inside a bank? I would. I definately would. But I’m the same person who told the cops to arrest my halloween crazy friend for trying to surprise his soon-to-become girlfriend outside her office. It wasn’t halloween anymore, It had been a week since halloween and he was still wearing that bacon outfit, so she could take pictures of him and post them in every social network. I thought I posted pictures in every social network, but she was like “OMG bacon is here again”, “Oh wow, bacon brought me chocolate chip cookies. They are my favorite <3 “, “Guess who came to take a walk at the park, aww such a lovely thing” I was freaking out. I was baconfreaking out. I needed to stop it and tell him how I felt about him, but I couldn’t. And that’s why I became a vegan.